Divorcing parents sometimes say that they are going through a “child custody battle”. Its interesting that the common phrase compares the experience of figuring out a child custody situation to fighting a war–and the comparison isnt far fetched.
Many parents feel like they are fighting for very important things with their custody battle. Time with the children, how their children will be raised, and how involved theyll be in their childrens lives are just a few of those things. Parents even refer to winning and losing–winning generally meaning that they get what they want out of the agreement, and losing meaning that they dont. Since this is such an important thing, here are some tips for winning child custody.
The first way to win your child custody battle is to take as much of the battle out as you can. It can be terribly difficult–and in some cases near impossible–but there are generally some things you can to do bring some peace to your situation. Focus on yourself–how are you contributing to the fighting What behaviors can you change
It may be something as simple as keeping your mouth shut when youre around your ex so you dont say sarcastic remarks. Maybe you need to stop the habit of bashing your ex in front of the kids. Or, maybe you need to adjust your attitude about the custody situation. Are there things you are being stubborn about just because you dont want your ex to get his/her way Be as flexible as you can with visitation times and days. Realize that you are going to have to compromise about the situation because there are other people involved. If you can take this to heart, you wont have so much of the fighting spirit in you.
The next way to win is to come up with the custody schedule that you want. Put in the time and effort to really think a good schedule through. Decide what type of custody you and your ex are going to have with the kids (joint, sole, etc) and come up with the visitation schedule.
Divide up the holidays fairly and schedule in vacation time for both parents. If you are prepared with the type of agreement you want, it will be of immense help when you meet with your ex, go to mediation, or go to court. It is helpful to have a calendar all planned out so people can look at it. When you present your schedule to your ex, be open to suggestions. If you are willing to hear and accept some of the changes the other parent wants, you can have your situation resolved quickly.
A third way to win is to decide any provisions that you want included in your custody agreement. This makes you win because then you have the peace of mind that your child is being raised in the way that you want–and the provisions are included in the legally binding document.
You can include any provisions that you want. Some popular ones are: being informed if the other parent gets the child a passport, receiving an itinerary when the other parent takes the child on vacation, no drinking alcohol or doing other harmful substances in front of the children, no bad mouthing the other parent in front of the children, being informed of the living conditions in the other parents house, etc. Think of the standards that absolutely have to be met and include them.
You want to feel victorious and happy about your child custody situation. Remember that you can end up with an agreement that works for you and allows you to spend the time you want with your child. And thats what the winning is all about–spending the time you want to with your child.